Empowerment is a feeling. We all want to have power over our own lives. Most of us have it in one or more areas of our life but real empowerment comes from feeling in control in all areas of our life.

I recently coached a successful business man who shared how lonely he was. He had thought that making money would make him happy but now sadly admitted that did not happen. He liked the freedom that money provided. What was missing for him was that he did not have anyone to share it with. His relationships never seemed to work out. He now realized that he did not know how to be in a close caring relationship. As a young child he had learned that he had to rely on himself.

He knew how to be successful in one area of his life. Now he understood that if he wanted to have a caring close relationship he had to learn how to do that without pushing the other person away.

In order to begin making changes it frequently takes a crisis to get us going. In this business man’s life he was jolted by rejection. He had begun dating a lovely woman who ended their relationship because she saw him as being selfish and not knowing about the natural give and take that personal relationships entail. This jolted him into admitting that she was right and that if he ever wanted to be in a real relationship he had to learn how to do that. He had no idea on how to create a relationship where both people could be both independent and appropriately dependent at the same time.

This man was ready to make changes. He yearned for contentment and companionship. He opened himself up to learning communication and relationship skills and becoming comfortable with his vulnerabilities. He could see that having been forced to be independent at a young age he had to learn how to become comfortable with the give and take of intimate relationships.

Change is not a quick. When we are willing to take the journey to empower our lives we become fully engaged and discover who we are capable of being.